In the Immortal Words of Katie Perry, You're Hot Then You're Cold

Why can’t shops ever succeed in maintaining an ambient temperature? Walk into a shopping centre during an English winter and suddenly you’re in a Swedish sauna. The central heating is jacked up so high that you are forced to immediately strip off coats, scarves, hats, even jumpers. So you end up walking around looking like you’ve already done a day’s worth of shopping but refused any carrier bags. An armful of outer garments renders effective shopping almost impossible (as, generally, hands are required) and also makes you look like the worst shoplifter in the world. The heat seems to increase the longer you are in the shop and before you’ve been there half an hour you’re down to your strap top (which was only supposed to be a vest but needs must) and so flushed you feel menopausal. Walking outside into 5°C is a relief but it still takes a few minutes of frigid air and arctic winds until you feel cool enough to start putting your layers back on.


The shops in Australia have the opposite problem. They are ice boxes. Just as a bit of central heating is necessary in English shops in the winter, the shops here obviously need to be air-conditioned to some degree. It’s hot out there and the air-con is a wonderful respite from the harsh glare of the Pilbara sun. For about ten minutes. Then you start to shiver, goose bumps pop up all over your body and you walk more quickly just to keep warm. You stay away from the refrigerators unless absolutely necessary – you do not, under any circumstances, want to linger over which cut of steak to buy. My finger nails actually turned blue today. It’s 37°C outside and I was suffering from the early stages of hypothermia. As I walked outside into the heat that just thirty minutes before was suffocating, I breathed an audible sigh of relief. How wonderful it was to be back in the warmth.

So why can’t they get this right? Apart from being uncomfortable for customers, it is so incredibly wasteful. How much energy must be consumed to chill a shop down to 10°C when it’s 27°C above that outside, or to heat a shop to 25°C when it’s 20°C below that outside? And who actually benefits? But nothing will change so the only thing I can do is to bring my woolly hat next time I head into the shops. Oh no, that’s right, I don’t own a woolly hat because I live in the Pilbara and it’s bloody hot!