Patriot Games

So the Commonwealth Games have finally begun with a bang – and, amazingly, not a bang from a roof or bridge collapsing, an air-conditioning unit falling from a wall in the athlete’s village or the terrifying sound of a terrorist’s bomb exploding. No, the bang emanated from dozens of Indian drummers, spectacular fireworks and Bollywood dancers treading the boards. It was an opening ceremony to be proud of and finally gave us all hope that the Games may not be a total failure after all.


I watched some of the coverage yesterday, largely of the swimming, and it suddenly struck me as odd that the Commonwealth Games is even still running. Unlike other major Games that are based on geography – the European Championships, the Pan-Pacific and the African Games, for example, to be eligible to participate in the Commonwealth Games you had to have been a British colonial outpost. You had to have had the humiliation of being ruled by a bunch of pompous Englishmen who thought your people were uncivilised barbarians who could only be bettered by learning British ways. It’s a very strange concept when you think about it. Most of these countries, including India who are hosting this year’s Games, would prefer to forget the period of time when they were a British colony. I wonder if the main aim of every county competing is to thrash the colonial oppressors, to take them down, humiliate them and take back the glory. I wonder about every country other than Australia, that is, as it is quite obvious that their only aim ever in life is to beat the Brits at everything there is possibly to beat us at. All they ever talk about is ‘thrashing the Poms’ – it is a strangely obsessive behaviour that will have even the most mild-mannered Aussie talking about a violent bloodbath with an evil glint in his eye.

Anyway, back to my original point – is the Commonwealth Games even relevant anymore? I think perhaps it depends on the sport and that has nothing to do with colonialism and everything to do with scheduling, as boring as that sounds. The Commonwealth Games always falls at the end of the athletics season – athletes are tired, sometimes injured and should be resting before the next season. Quite a few have pulled out this year because of that. It’s also not seen as a particularly important event by track and field athletes – Michael Johnson recently wrote in a newspaper article that in athletics, ‘a Commonwealth title barely registers any respect on a global stage.’ However, many countries use the Commonwealth Games as a barometer for the Olympics, two years later. This year British countries are certainly testing out the athletes who will go on to compete in London 2012 and identifying what needs to be improved in the training programmes.

Whatever anyone thinks of the Commonwealth Games, it seems strange to me that no-one comments on the fact that all these countries are competing because they are former British outposts. Still, any major sporting event is fun to watch and, with the Americans not competing, we’ll probably win more medals. That is, of course, if the Aussies don’t work themselves into a Brit-beating frenzy. Seeing as the British founded modern Australia, I really don’t see why they’re so intent on constantly crushing us. Perhaps it stems from the same complex that blights men who drive expensive sports cars...