Dirty Phone Call

As a freelance journalist, I am signed up to a couple of press release services which deliver relevant releases to my inbox each day. At least, that’s the theory. Sometimes I receive real oddball releases which are clearly not relevant to my request for material relating to ‘beauty’, ‘fitness’, and ‘travel’. In fact, some press releases are so odd I don’t understand how they could be relevant to anyone’s requests. The other day a particularly strange press release landed in my inbox, involving a survey conducted by a website which sells mobile phones. The title was, ‘Mobile Phones Can Give You Haemorrhoids’. Naturally, I was intrigued, in spite of it being completely irrelevant to me as a beauty and travel journalist. How exactly could a mobile phone possibly give you an ailment down below? Despite myself (and four imminent deadlines), I had to read on.


I shouldn’t really have been surprised that the link was so tenuous, it was barely plausible. It was also one of the weirdest surveys I’ve ever come across, and it produced some disturbing results. The website surveyed over 1000 people in the UK and found that a whopping 82% of them frequently use their mobile phones whilst doing their business on the toilet. I wonder how many of the people they speak to know where they are while they’re on the phone to them? It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase 'dirty phone call'. In this age of instantaneous gratification, do people really need to be doing something all the time, even when on the toilet? It is, perhaps, a sad reflection of our time.

You may still be wondering where the link between mobile phones and haemorrhoids comes in (especially if you are one of those people who secretly make phone calls whilst on the toilet). Or of course you might have decided that you really don’t care, but either way I am going to tell you. Those who regularly use their phone while doing their business spend on average an extra 3.5 minutes longer on the loo than those who do not, and it is that prolonged time spent sitting on a cold, hard surface that could give you haemorrhoids. So there you have it, a lesson for us all, don’t phone your mate while on the loo and you could avoid a serious pain in the bum. Oh, and next time someone calls you from their mobile phone, try not to listen too closely to the background noise – it’s probably best just not to know.

NB Because I have referenced their survey, I have to add the following link onto my blog or they may sue me – I guess they were smart in sending this release to everyone after all. www.mobilesplease.co.cuk