Stealth Insect

It was bound to happen sooner or later. No, I am not talking about Will and Kate’s engagement, although I seem to be just about the only person in the world not chattering excitedly about wedding plans as if I might actually be invited to the nuptials. I am talking about a far more important matter than the impending wedding of our future king – yesterday it finally happened, I swallowed a fly. Actually, that’s not quite accurate on two counts. It wasn’t a fly, it was some sort of flying ant type thing, which is even worse. I shudder now just thinking about it. Secondly, the reason I know it was not a fly was that ten minutes later, while I was in the shower, I coughed it up and spluttered it onto the floor. My body is not stupid – it knew that this flying monstrosity was not gourmet food and refused to send it down into my stomach. However, it also meant that for the duration of those ten minutes I could feel it prickling the back of my throat which was not pleasant. And I really could have done without seeing what had flown into my mouth and down my throat.


In fact, until it came flying out of my mouth, I couldn’t be sure that anything had actually flown into it. I didn’t see anything buzzing around me or hear that irritating high-pitched whine. The first time I realised something had happened was when I felt something sharp in my throat. It just came out of nowhere, as if it was on a suicide mission. Does he think that there will be a thousand virginal flying ant girls waiting for him in flying ant paradise? Running is certainly a dangerous activity here, especially when there are stealth insects flying around. I really need to work on that closed mouth breathing technique.