Retail Therapy on the Beach

On the beaches of Pattaya, you can buy almost anything without even leaving your sunbed. Hungry or thirsty? The obligatory ice cream vendors of course trudge up and down the beach but there is so much more to choose from than just Magnums and Cornettos. Ice cold beers, fizzy drinks and fruit juice, including that Thai favourite, coconut juice sipped straight from a hollowed-out coconut, are all just a wave of the hand away. Once the thirst is at bay and the tummy is rumbling, there's even more choice. There's the corn-on-the-cob man (my favourite), carrying a huge steaming bowl of corn which he will then sprinkle with white pepper and salt. Then there's the spring roll, chicken nugget, deep fried prawns man, who lugs a big basket of the stuff on his shoulder, little packets of sweet chili sauce dangling from his belt. If you're after something a bit more substantial you only have to call to one of the umbrella and sunbed owners, who will run to a nearby restaurant and bring you fried rice, noodles, dumpling soup, pretty much whatever you fancy. Later in the day, when you're in need of something more refreshing, some tropical fruit might be in order. Simply flag down one of the vendors selling mango, pineapple, cantaloupe melon, watermelon, papaya and starfruit.

Besides food and drink, there are plenty of other shopping opportunities. Women wearing the colourful hats of the Karen tribe sell all sorts of jewellery, from beads to jangly bracelets. Men bearing mirrors will show you how great you look wearing one of their pairs of sunglasses, while others will try to convince you to buy one of a myriad of lighters. Beach toys, sarongs, kaftans, hats, bedspreads, wooden carved elephants - you can find it all from the comfort of you sun lounger on the beach. And if you're not interested in any of it? Just don't make eye contact and they shouldn't bother you. I find pretending you're asleep also works.

My favourite beach vendor is one I've only seen once. She seemed to be selling the entire contents of a joke shop. Wearing a multi-coloured Mohican wig and announcing herself by squeaking a rubber chicken, she carried an overflowing bag from which I could just see an electric blue Afro, something that resembled a whoopee cushion and a clown mask. She was also wearing a pair of baggy leopard-print trousers. Unfortunately though, I don't think these were for sale.