Shopping Centre Flashers

Pattaya is home to two beach-front shopping centres, providing a cool respite for over-sunned holiday makers and locals alike. It's the air conditioning that draws many of the Thais, which is why you'll see lots of people wandering about but hardly anybody actually in the over-priced shops. Some won't have air-conditioning at home so flock to one of the shopping centres for a hit of cold air. Others fancy a bit of gentle exercise without the sun blazing down on them, though at the speed at which they meander and the fact that they refuse to walk up the escalators (and often infuriatingly stand two abreast on the same step, completely blocking the way for anybody who doesn't consider loitering on escalators a fun way to pass the time), I can't imagine they'll see a massive rise in their fitness levels.

The tourists often hit the shops when they've had a bit too much sun, evidenced by the vast numbers of severely sunburnt shoppers hobbling around in the blissful cool of the air-conditioning. Upon discovering that they resemble a cherry tomato after applying oil without SPF and frying themselves in the Thai sun, all the blistering tourist has to do is walk the few steps from the beach to the shopping centre. Unfortunately, it is this close proximity to the beach that has given so many farangs the mistaken belief that is perfectly acceptable to walk around half-dressed. It is not uncommon to see women dressed in hotpants so tiny they may as well just be wearing a pair of French knickers. I have witnessed more wobbly thighs bounding out of impossibly short, hideously tight dresses than anybody should ever have to see. When will women learn that white Lycra is not anybody's friend? And just because you're wearing a G-string rather than a full pair of knickers does not make wearing transparent clothing acceptable. In fact it makes it so much worse. No-one wants to see that.

The prize for the most inappropriately dressed person in a shopping centre goes to the Russian woman we saw at the weekend. She was clothed in what can only be described as a long t-shirt. Unfortunately for us, standing below her on the escalator, it wasn't long enough. The fact that she was either sporting the skimpiest thong known to mankind or was going commando didn't help matters. From our position several steps down from her, we had a clear view of two bare, rather saggy and wrinkly buttocks poking out of the bottom of her 'dress'. It was not a pleasant sight. Perhaps because she has to wear ten layers for the majority of the year in Russia, she felt as if she had to make the most of being able to show her bottom and not get hypothermia. Whatever the reason, I really wish she hadn't.