Is It A Bird? Is It A Plane? No, It's A Super Monkey!

Australia, like the rest of the world (or at least the countries directly involved), is full of news of Delhi’s bungled preparations for the Commonwealth Games. Every day there seems to be a new disaster to befall the Games, whether it’s a venue roof or footbridge collapsing, filthy rooms in the athlete’s village, or terrorism threats. All in all, it’s not looking great and a few Aussie competitors have even bowed out, believing it not safe to compete. Security has been a massive issue and, considering the very real threat of a terrorist attack, that is something that should be paramount. However, a few days ago an Australian journalist managed to walk into the main stadium with a suitcase full of detonators completely unchecked. When the journalist confronted a security guard and asked him if this would happen when the Games had started, he laughed. It’s good to know that they’re taking the possibility of serious, life-threatening attacks seriously.


So, what to do in such a situation, when even the security guards seem to be pretty useless? There is one obvious solution, at least to Delhi’s Games Officials - bring out the super monkeys! Of course. These large monkeys have been brought in to chase away smaller monkeys from venues where they have been a nuisance. Apparently, monkeys are a real problem in Delhi and are a common sight everywhere, running amok in government buildings, hospitals and prisons. The Deputy Mayor of Delhi fell to his death in 2007 after being attacked by a group of monkeys on the terrace of his home. Delhi really can’t catch a break can it? The majority of the super monkeys will be deployed outside the boxing and hockey stadiums (seen as the most vulnerable to monkey attacks, though I’m not sure why – perhaps monkeys really don’t like boxing and hockey), with two in reserve ‘in case of an emergency’. It’s good to know that their emergency plans include the deployment of two monkeys. Bring out the big guns, it’s time to let the monkeys loose!

They have monumentally cocked up so far but I do feel sorry for Delhi, and India as a whole. As the Beijing Olympics in 2008 was a display of China’s new-found global dominance to the world, so was the Commonwealth Games supposed to be an example of India’s shining light. At the moment, the reverse seems to be happening. Quite frankly, the whole thing is one big embarrassment. The Indian media has dubbed them the ‘shame games’. Perhaps, as the officials are promising, it will all come together at the last minute. At least they’ve got the super monkeys - nothing could possibly go wrong with those flying crusaders at the ready, right?