The Scariest Question In The World

The Husband had been in the country for a mere five hours and with me less than an hour when the Big Question reared its ugly head again. When? On its own, it is a seemingly innocuous question. It could be in reference to any number of normal, everyday events. When shall we eat dinner? When are we going to go to the supermarket? When do you want to see that film at the cinema? The Husband knew that it was not such a simple when? He knew exactly what it referred to as we have had this when? conversation more than a few times recently. And if that didn’t convince him that he knew what I was talking about, our destination left little doubt. We were on our way to Reading to meet up with two good friends who had recently had a baby.


Pre-baby, the father was one of those men who made it very difficult for one to imagine him as a dad, a responsible care-giver to a little person. Before their baby was born, he struggled to look after himself, let alone another human being. I hoped that seeing him with his baby would convince The Husband that if he can do it then anybody can. I also hoped that if I asked The Husband in his sleep-deprived, slightly delirious state, he would be more likely to answer the when? question with a joyful and exuberant ‘right now!’ We met them in a cafe chosen specifically for its child-friendliness and spoke to them about the realities of being parents. There is a lot to consider when you have baby. Who’d have thought that such a tiny person would need so much stuff?! You can’t just leave the house on a whim – you have to plan each outing with military precision. Firstly, you have to make sure you have all the right gear – nappy bags, extra clothing, toys, books, a first aid kit... the list is endless. Then you have to consider the logistics of the exercise. Can you walk there or will you have to take the car (if the latter form of transport is required there is a whole extra list of requirements – the father had to drive home to pick up a different car as the one he had brought wasn’t baby-suitable)? Are you going to a baby-friendly venue - can you navigate a pram around the space without too much difficulty, do they mind if you breast-feed, will they get snooty if your baby starts to wail? All that can be just for a trip down the road. The couple had recently been for a short holiday on the south coast and couldn’t see out of the back window of their car, so rammed full of all the extra baby necessities was it. They had to make do with a small holdall between them as there wasn’t room for their stuff.

I guess that’s what happens when you have a baby – you have let another person take over your lives in every way. You can’t be selfish anymore, the baby must always take priority. It was a sobering thought. So do I still think that it’s worth it? One look at their faces when they held their baby daughter, when they played with her and gazed at her and talked about her and there is no doubt in my mind. I would happily squeeze all my stuff into a small holdall to have that.